Monthly Archives: April 2012

A Few Notes About ‘She’s Gone’

“Everybody’s high on consolation”


1. the act of consoling; comfort; solace.
2. the state of being consoled.
3. blahblablahablnhja

What do you get when you’re on a game show? A consolation prize. You can’t be sad if you receive something tangible from a minor sponsor.

A toaster maybe.

But a really nice toaster.

So are Hall & Oates high on toasters in the “promotional” video for She’s Gone?

No, clearly they’re high on drugs.

Anyone who’s talked to me on gchat for more than a few minutes has probably been sent this video. The other day, anonymous asshole peterbd had the audacity to say, “You’ve already sent me this.”

Well I know, peter. Maybe I thought you needed to see it again, okay?

So why should I send everyone this video constantly? Is it because of Hall & Oates’ hipster fame from the last few years? Has that—spurred on by The Bird & The Bee’s respectable cover album—fanned the fire that burns in my heart for the Hoates?

I’d like to think not, but I am a white dude living in a neighborhood becoming more and more gentrified every day.

Hipsters don’t need to inspire me, or anyone else, to listen to Hall & Oates though, since there’s a long history of other muscians–starting in the 70s—covering and sampling them. This is what happens when you make some of the most well produced music in the 70s.

The most interesting spin on H&O songs comes from rap and hip-hop, where they’ve found a fairly successful home. Notorious BIG, Kanye and De La Soul have all sampled H&O. My favorite use of the Hoates is none other than—speaking of music hipsters love—Wu Tang Clan on the song Method Man, which takes from H&O’s minuscule hit Method of Modern Love (a video and song equally as weird as She’s Gone, but not by any means as legitimately enjoyable).

M-E-T-H-O-D Man

Christ that’s good.

This has nothing to do with She’s Gone, or the video for She’s Gone. I just want to make sure you know that Hall & Oates is a staple of music, across all genres & generations.

Not that I really needed to explain that.

So. She’s Gone. What the fuck, right?

Hair! Stache! Daryl!

I’ve had more than one person try to tell me She’s Gone is a cover, which is understandable. The Tavares, who covered She’s Gone to a decent amount of fame, both sound and look more likely to produce a song with such an R&B and Soul sound. Not that Hall & Oates don’t look capable of this, but, come on – HAVE YOU SEEN DARYL’S BEAUTIFUL, FEATHERY, BLOND HAIR???

I want to fall into it, feel it catch my weight like a soft bed of leaves, sink into it like molasses…

I read somewhere—or possibly made this up, it’s hard to tell the difference—that She’s Gone was directed by one of their sisters (I want to say Daryl’s sister, but I’m not certain). This makes sense. This video, a video you won’t find on their official goddamn channel for obvious reasons, feels like it’d have been made by someone’s sister.

Take out the drug use, and it almost seems like something children would make for fun. There’s not a whole lot going on. A woman or a man in a devil suit walks by at predictable moments. Near the end John even kind of looks like a child, walking in a circle with the Devil and Daryl, his tuxedo devouring his limbs as he marches with his guitar.

This is by no means the best part of the music video. The best is at about 2:40, when John stands up in his sleeveless shirt, the devil puts an over-sized tux jacket on him, John picks up his guitar, and he tears that shit up. Of course, he’s not actually playing the guitar. It’s plain to see. His fingers don’t even make it out of his sleeves. You squint as he does this, as he fake plays, you squint hard until you see nothing but his bowtie and you wonder:

Are Hall & Oates fucking with me?

Maybe. Or maybe they were fucking with their then record label, Atlantic Records. From what I understand (I may be making this up too), they didn’t have a very good relationship with Atlantic. This may explain their move to RCA, who knows. Regardless, what do you do, friend, when you’re working for a label that treats you like shit? You eat that shit. You eat it up with a spoon. You’re their slave. And when they go and ask you to make a promotional video for one of your songs, you eat that shit too, right?

Well you could eat their shit.

Or you could punk the shit out of them.

I have no proof whatsoever that She’s Gone is a rally and/or practical joke against their label, but that’s what I like to believe it is. What better way to give your label the finger, and fans something truly unique to watch, than to waste a bunch of someone else’s money?

God bless you, Hall & Oates.

Inernet, bloggers. Bloggers, Internet.

Dear everyone, we would like to introduce you to our new bloggers. We recommend playing this song in the background while reading the bios.

Jenn Frank is a former video games critic and ex-celebrity gossip blogger who now writes overblown works of creative nonfiction. Her work has appeared at Unwinnable, Motherboard, Kotaku, Jezebel, and Wired, and in two issues of Kill Screen Magazine.

Additionally, she blogs for funsies at both Infinite Lives and the Temper, Temper. She graduated from Northwestern University eight years ago with a degree in fiction writing. She believes in generosity, human goodness, the Chicago Manual of Style, and puns. She also collects action figures, reads comic books, and is a 12-year-old boy. Find her on Twitter!

Russ Woods is a librarian and poetry editor/web designer for Red Lightbulbs and Love Symbol Press. He also writes poems and has a list of publications at He has been in bands like Pretty Swans and Tinyfolk and Forever Wolf. He sometimes raps as Young Shade. He lives in Chicago. His favorite band is Destroyer. His favorite rapper is E-40. His favorite graphic novel is Big Questions by Anders Nilsen. His favorite book of poetry is Scary No Scary by Zachary Schomburg. His favorite directors are Ethan & Joel Coen. His favorite type of nature is the beach.

Meghan Lamb lives and writes on the south side of Chicago with her husband, dog, and cat. She co-edits the magazine Red Lightbulbs. Her novella, Silk Flowers, is forthcoming from Aqueous Books in July 2013. By day, she works as a training counselor for adults with special needs. By night, she spirals through a fuckwave of sex, booze, and self-destruction.

Mason Johnson didn’t really see his dad until he was about ten because Mason’s dad was often on tour with bands like AC/DC and Menudo. If given the chance, Mason would make the same choices of his father, and his father before him. Oh yeah, Mason also writes for CBS Chicago’s local news websites.

Julia Vodrey Hendrickson is a visual artist, writer, and curator. A freelance art critic for Printeresting and Art In Print, she has published a collection of poetry called Grow No Moss (printed at Spudnik Press, Chicago, 2011). Julia is currently in London studying art history at the Courtauld Institute of Art with a focus on French modernism, and is writing a thesis on the gendered histories of wallpaper and the evolution of the white wall. She is scheming to adopt a small, Chicago-style dog in the future.

Matt Rowan is a writer of things. He lives in Chicago, which is a good place for living. He works just outside of Chicago, as an educator. In Chicago, he has an apartment and in it he dwells with his wonderfully awesome girlfriend and dogs so small you are sure to think they are not dogs but rather dogs of alien world where everything is miniature and some things are made of glass. It is a fragile world, so smaller dogs aren’t at such a disadvantage there. Aside from that, he has a blog of his own that goes painfully long stretches without update, but that’s ok because it’s just for fun. You can view it at He’s also editor of Untoward Magazine, which specializes in humor but loves lots of written things. He’s helped out with NAP chapbook selection, and he has a forthcoming story collection, Why God Why, being published by Love Symbol Press later this year. He exists on Facebook where you can find him a lot. He also has some stories in or soon to be in elimae, NANO Fiction, Curbside Splendor, Prick of the Spindle, Necessary Fiction and elsewhere. He thanks you for your time.

Alexander J. Allison spends every third Tuesday delivering parcels of words to the elderly, infirmed and lonely. His hope is to matter. The Prodigal will be published by Civil Coping Mechanisms in January 2013.

Here They Come, the Young Thousands

1. Artifice 5 is going online June 15th. It will be created to read like a book, that you can hold in your hands. If you have a reading device, like an iPad or smartphone, you in fact will be able to hold it in your hands. It will not smell like paper, but probably that’s okay.

2. Artifices will come out four times a year, because we love you.

3. Over the next couple of weeks we’re going to be introducing a brilliant team of new bloggers, here at the blog. More info to come.

4. We get this song stuck in our heads a minimum of once a day:

Now it is in yours.

ARTIFICE 5: Back in Business

Dear Everyone: Today we are officially back in business as a literary journal! This marks the fifth issue of Artifice Magazine, and while we’re extremely proud of our past four issues, we have decided to change our format in order to keep the magazine ever striving forward in its evolution. Artifice Magazine will now be released entirely electronically, and quarterly. But don’t think that we’ve given up on print, either: We will continue to publish sleek and beautiful objects as ARTIFICE BOOKS.

Submissions for ARTIFICE 5 can be sent along HERE.

To see what we’re into, peruse our bookshelf HERE.