This is Artifice Magazine’s newest editor, Ian M. McCarty:
And this is a link to the Kickstarter page that we are using to fund our upcoming Issue 2 Release Tour.
Ian has offered to eat one (1) pumpkin pie, in a single sitting, for every donation of one hundred dollars or more that we receive via Kickstarter. We would like to see Ian have to eat many pumpkin pies. Many.
But we are not sadists, internet.
While we do want to see Ian eat many pumpkin pies, we would also like to see him dump someone for you via text-message or phone call (donations of $10 or more), drunkenly read to you from the new issue via YouTube (donations of $20 or more), or, along with Rebekah and myself, learn interesting new dance moves and provide you with video evidence of such ($50 or more).
In addition to this, we’d like to see him have to eat a couple more pies (donations of $100 or more).
Thank you, internet.
We received this email earlier this morning from long-time Artifice supporter Ben, in response to our Kickstarter campaign’s pledge incentive levels. And yes, “pie_ordeal.jpg” came attached.
While it sounds daunting, the “1 pie, 1 minute, 0 hands” challenge is a cop out. It’s only one minute of discomfort, and, I would argue, only moderate discomfort at that. The real discomfort comes when you’ve been shoving pie into your face for minute after minute. Of course, if you take too long, the level of discomfort starts to drop off again, because you can pace yourself. Then again, if the discomfort is experienced over a long duration, that’s bad too. The only way we can calculate the ideal donation to the Artifice Issue #2 Tour is to calculate when the pumpkin pie eating ordeal is at its worst.
To do this, let us define the severity of an ordeal as the level of discomfort times the duration of the experience. Then let’s estimate the relative discomfort of eating a pie in 1 minute (keeping in mind that you won’t really have time to eat the whole thing and, besides, adrenaline and novelty will keep it from being too unpleasant), 2 minutes (still too short to really start feeling the pain), 3 minutes, etc. Then, using these values, plot the “Ordeal Function” proposed above.
The result is shown in the attached graph. It would appear that in order to maximize the pumpkin pie eating ordeal, one should donate between $150 and $152 dollars to the Artifice Issue #2 Tour, a noble cause indeed.
Click for larger image.
We have started a Kickstarter campaign to help us raise money to go on tour.
The information is here.
There are some pretty cool things you can get.
If you want to know why Artifice thinks Kickstarter is great, go here.
*Which is to say, if you email us at editors AT artificemag DOT com, we will send you some stickers. And if you send us photos at the same address, we are likely to post them here.