Paul Albano is Artifice Magazine’s newly minted Web Editor. The site will now be updated multiple times per week with author interviews, blog postings, whimiscal musings, biting criticisms, useful elucidations, and a little bit of etcetera. So continue to check back, comment frequently and with inanity, and clear all schedules for the Feb. 27th Issue #1 release party.
Artifice: You tend to be pretty a pretty quiet guy, I’ve noticed. What are you
Paul: Well, usually I’m thinking about the color spectrum. Specifically, its voids and its margins and its terra incognita. I’d say I have these thoughts during all moments in which I am not speaking. In fact, as I write this I just invented a new shade of red that can live for three weeks without nourishment and longs for one more memory of its youth.
Artifice: Do you think that’s appropriate, thinking about things like that?
Paul: No, of course not.
Artifice: Do you know any magic tricks?
Paul: Not really. I mean I can create vacuumed electromagnetic fields that fissure space and time. But that’s just physics, not magic.
Artifice: People often claim you look like Matt Damon. Is that fair? Do you
feel like you have any particular connection to Mr. Damon?
Paul: I certainly don’t enjoy when it happens (and quite frankly it’s gotten to be a little embarrassing); but I do sport a Boston accent, boyishly smile, sometimes forget who I am, show my work when solving complex math, play rugby, and travel with a friend who happens to resemble Ben Affleck and who I often crack wise with, and another friend who happens to resemble Jude Law and who I occasionally beat to death with an oar. So…I guess I really can’t say it’s unfair.
But I do feel some connection with Matt Damon. Like my fate is somehow intertwined with his, though I doubt he feels likewise.
Artifice: What is your favorite dance move, and what do you think this says
about you as a person?
Paul: My favorite dance move doesn’t really have a name. It simply involves venturing onto the dance floor, staying within the moment, having fun, and being inhumanly dexterous in both knees so you can bend one leg forward and the other backward and then alternate as you buoyantly hop around and flail your arms in a sort of grotesque Charleston.
Artifice: If you were to make a short speech introducing yourself as the new Web Editor for Artifice Magazine, what would you say?
Paul: First, I would thank all those gathered for voting for me. Then I would remind them that though this moment must be one of celebration, it also must be one of reflection, both on how far we’ve come, and the great distance still yet to be covered. Then I would dim the lights and pace back and forth and reveal that the tuxedo-clad body of a debonair newspaper scion was discovered in the stables earlier today and subsequently someone in this very room is a murderer. Then I would allow for the possibility that murder might have actually been an accident, and the murderer may in fact be a horse. Then I would erode that possibility by dramatically intoning that the dead man was poisoned intravenously with the saliva of a noxious Brazilian tree frog. Then I would conclude my speech by reassuring the audience that the tree frog has been apprehended and currently resides in here (by this time I’d be holding a shoebox with small air holes poked into the top). Then I would drop the box and wait for it to fall and scream oh my God it’s empty and thank everyone for coming out.